Rahil

言の葉の庭 (The Garden of Words)

08 September 2016

romanization: Kotonoha no Niwa
literal translation: garden of leaf of word [?]
meaningful translation: word garden [?]
English title: The Garden of Words

notes / thoughts

desire to do own thing / path, as opposed to what society wants in the form of school and work

goes to nature, drinks beer :). Ahhh, this is natural! Nature and a drink. And chocolate!

romantic scenes reminds me of Three Times

paths of a 15 year old in Tokyo is limited to two ways, “childish desires” or save money and make shoes. A recurring theme in these Japanese animations: limited to paths laid out by society. Such a joyless society, where drinking beer in the park is one’s joy. Only relations, no other form of joy. No consumerism, I guess?
– perhaps the lack of communication is the problem. No creativity, no talking.
– at least, that’s my current problem and reason for depression

woman holding on to relationship and job, far overdue, barely able to get up and “walk” on one’s own
– unable to walk! That’s me currently, or after heartbreak, or after leaving a community, or basically my life in Taiwan. I’ve become so relationship-oriented that I’ve lost my childhood desires (not teacher fantasies).

desire to do personal design / work / art, motivated working for capital at restaurant

Surely I missed her, but…
I think it’s clinging to those feelings that’s keeping me a little kid.

27 years old, yet but [feels as if she] didn’t do anything during the past 12 years [(27–12=15)]
I’ve always been here, stuck in the same place
– hmmm, very possible. Those poor Tokyo souls; Minds trapped by the strength of culture, and relationships. How awful, being a slave to culture, unable to make decisions autonomously. I really shouldn’t hitch through Japan, should I?

Didn’t do anything wrong (when another person falls in love)
– Reminds me of some Koreeda film. Hmmmm, I think? Can’t think of it [now]…

mmm, actually a good conversation of school / culture problem (referring to the teacher-student situation)
– again, east Asian school culture have such close relationships that even teachers are able to get hurt.
– A huge problem pointed out is that the police is useless. Saving face. Just earlier today, I was thinking about how a women would be unable to live my life as I’ve been sleeping outside next to a hot spring lately, because she risks getting raped. How fucking frightening is that? I checked the internet, noticed that the statistics were near 20% for America (WTF, my mind still hasn’t been able to digest this), and 1% in Japan. The problem is that Japanese people rarely report it, to save face, patriarchal society, etc. cultural problems of Japan. Wild. These far east societies really do retain some ancient cultural problems, and they take so long to change. Maybe another generation? It’s so strange to me for it to progress so slow in these social aspects. But if Japan is anything like Taiwan, perhaps it isn’t, as much of Taiwan is old, rural, backward-thinking in oh so many ways (education, healthcare, police, general etiquette, everyday work-life at companies).

no beer sign. Also no playing sign?

classic literature still seems to be taught in Japanese society, if I were to take these animated films as truth. Wolf Children had a philosophy class, Only Yesterday had a Basho poem, and this one includes a tanka, and the woman is a classic literature teacher. This is quite a contrast to American education of science. Of course, I prefer philosophy, as it creates good conversation and relates to life.

ahhh, the joy of nature :) (as typhoon or heavy rain and wind comes in)
– so many memories of this in Taiwan

you saved me.
– ahhh the classic post break-up need for human physical support to move on

a post-thought:

Aesthetically, I didn’t care much. It was even distracting at first, to see the camera zoom out and track, or take shots of random spots as if it were a real one, and having focus like expensive cameras, taking those cheesy transition shots that focus out. Poor souls who animated the thing, wasting time mimicking standard live films.

I probably missed out on some classic Japanese ideas (symbolism) in all of those nature shots. Zen? Them being in a garden. Fengshui? Weather patterns? Anyway, I don’t feel it mattered too much.

Leave a comment | Categories: Art, Film Reviews, Films, Humanities

歸途列車 (Last Train Home)

07 September 2016

Just a few minutes into Last Train Home and my my wakes up from the sloth-paced recent days of healing and waiting for my money to come in.

It’s starkly different from watching a film by Koreeda, which is so familial, revolving about love. This film already incorporates space, governance, politics, culture, and so on. It has the bigger picture in mind. Koreeda focuses on house, this film focuses on the rest of the day, including work.

Perhaps it’s the hectic pace, of cities, of work. Once the scene of the countryside comes, I feel at ease again.

Watching them get on the train is normal to me now. All of it is. I don’t feel terrible about it? Become complacent? Lost my ideals?

They travel 2100 kilometers, but don’t experience any of it in between.

You should avoid anything that should harm your study.

The huge panaromas and distant views of the countryside and city really do contrast. Why go to such an ugly city? Why not live in that beautiful rural area? As long as one has access to a library, a computer, it’s okay! Fuck the city. Especially a Chinese one.

Part 2:
Work is work. The factory looks like my first job’s office. Not so bad. At least it has more people, and kids!

Oh, but this times its a child worker. Damn.

自由是快樂。

Oh shit. That is her!

Hmm, school or work, it’s a prison, enclosed by culture. Cultures don’t understand idleness.

That’s the Asian mentality: I’d rather work harder than for my child to work.

Buying freedom, independence through work (in capitalism). Using time to buy time.

Let’s just roam around the world.

Money vs being there. Being there, absolutely.

Just watching the film now. Not much philosophizing, thinking. The daughter goes home for New Years with a spunky teenage attitude. Loves her grandparents more then her parents. Her little brother places a seemingly mere #5 in whatever school that is. The educators are probably very outdated, but it’s not shown. Freedom through work, the American dream, is looked down upon.

Watching the film, I don’t feel much. I don’t feel my need to change the world as I normally desire, when I am active. Acceptance? Lazy.

Though, I don’t feel so bad for the people either. Culture is the problem, largely. It’s culture that forces people to smoosh into trains for New Years. It’s culture that the parents want their kids to be educated through the traditional educational system. The daughter is the light. Yet, working that many hours doesn’t get anyone anywhere, does it? Maybe the daughter will try a different job. It’s just trial, part-time. Then move on just as she said the farm was a sad place, so too will the factor be. That’s education. She’s moving from the farm, to factory, to some place better. A hostel, hopefully!

[continued on the next day 7/9/2016]
Back to 7-11 where there’s air conditioner! Wow, what a difference! I can think. In not constantly in need of hydration. No mosquitos! The developed world in one room!

Skipping straight in to the climax. Classic. Parent cares for money to raise child and support for education, child cares for none of it, and in a way, is right: she cares for the people near to her: her grandparents. What’s money got to do with anything, including and especially education? That single decision is already smarter than her parents toiling away at non-sense. Perhaps it’s up to her to save her parents from habituated misery. The father’s seemingly rational view fails completely amidst the daughter’s feelings

The daughter working at a bar is not a bad first job. It’s money. She’s doing it right, experiencing slowly, reality. School doesn’t teach it.

The father desires; he must let it go.

Leave a comment | Categories: Art, Film Reviews, Films, Humanities

蛍火の杜へ (~Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light)

07 September 2016

Japanese: 蛍火の杜へ
romanization: Hotarubi no Mori e
literal: Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light
English: [none]

during-film thoughts

Suburban house, missing the in-between in life
Noisy insects!

…ended up just watching the entire thing as I did as when I was young.

post-film thoughts

A similar story to Spirited Away. Perhaps they root from some ancient Japanese source story.

The film is slow, dreamy, like Totoro. It has its magic. It’s predictable, yet I was happy to watch it, and it made me happy, optimistic.

For the simple things. Memories. Good times. Summers. Natural joy. Picnics. Talking. Sharing. Time.

I think of all those memories I created in Taiwan, and elsewhere. A happier place. Instead of my cultural theory, I take in the youthful joy. Of the Chinese class, of her, of my trip in Asia, of New York, of the fatkids, of College Park, of my youth. So many memories. It’s beautiful to think about.

I’ve been so focused lately that I’ve recently stopped thinking. This free-thinking is what makes me happy. Ignore reality, and be happy.
– Perhaps not ignore reality, rather, stop organizational behaviors and live!

Leave a comment | Categories: Art, Film Reviews, Films, Humanities, Life, Personal

幻の光 (~Will-o’-wisp )

08 August 2016

Japanese title: 幻の光
romanization: Maboroshi no Hikari
literal translation: phantasmic light
meaningful translation: a trick of light, will-o’-the-wisp
English title: Maborosi

Well, that’s quite confusing, ain’t it?

From Yahoo Answers:

幻 is more often used as a metaphor for things that are troubling you, ie. spectres from the past, things that are hard to grasp, etc. (ex. 幻の名物 – phantom souvenir – people say it is available, but you cannot find it) This is also often used when describing thinking about those who have died, especially those close to us, but less as a ghostbusters ghost and more as a ghost of the mind.

notes from second viewing:

Written the day after watching it, skimming through the video, like my old film-watching days:

some thoughts while skimming, and re-occurred ones:

There’s so few items in the household. Because the setting is in a past time, and because of Japanese culture.

Her mind is stuck on the past. It’s too difficult to think about raising a child, …[stopped thought?]

She’s beautiful. A bit alien, but stunning. Mongolian? Some Japanese aboriginal? Eyebrows and eyes are almost exaggerated.

After the news of her husbands suicide, she bikes, ruminating. I do the same.

At a later time, she dwells on past photos. I do the same.

Strange match-making service. Quite similar to Indians. Is having a partner that important? Or is it merely cultural? I can imagine an American getting on fine without a partner, but I’d guess an Asian would rather *want* to share the experience.

Japan’s geography is much like Taiwan. The coast is similar to the coast I’m currently near, on the southern tip of Taiwan, with a coral coast; quiet, small towns.

Every detail and action matters in the film. It’s dense in content without action.

The new husband’s house also frightens me of Japanese culture. An isolated room with a television. There’s just not enough noise, fun, action, social life. Everything is organized, thought and then decided upon. Very little consumption. Creating a very insular culture.

She’s still able to smile and laugh. Amazing.

The nature is stunning, like Taiwan.

Super traditional formal wedding. Looks as if it could have happened in Taiwan too. The house, especially kitchen, feels warm, when there are people in it.

The kids run around in nature. Lovely. Kids need it. Strange, but beautiful green tunnel door frame with the kids.

Kids are picked up by a neighbor. Small town love.

Traditional cutting and crafting. So slow, the life there is. People fish. Mothers cut their kid’s hair. All of this exists in Taiwan too. It’s strange, compared to modern societies. Does she have to adapt from Osaka? Was her job busy?

Ah right, the tradition of leaving the house and coming in, as the daughter leaves for school. So much emphasis on the household.

Hahaha the son is great, sleeping with the grandfather on the boat. The childhood love for nature is awesome.

Such a slow life.

She’s stunning without clothes too, even with an old-fashioned huge panty.

The kids get along well. Like the Asian emphasis of having a partner to share an experience, it’s probably equally important to let the kids have a partner, a brother or sister, too.

Hah Osaka looks terrible compared to the more natural coast, but as long as one spends much of the time in a house, it doesn’t matter where one lives.

A bit of thrill: he comes all the way to the cafe near home, cheerfully, then intends to go home.

Another strange slow, close-up frame, this time on her. Perhaps a cinematic cue, as it was with the boyfriend: a change in direction for the person.

Man, learning radishes at the outdoor sink is a beautiful thing. So it putting up a bamboo fence. Only get this kind of life in the rural areas of Taiwan, like preparing for a typhoon and cleaning potato leaves.

Is it possible to move on, after losing a long-loved one, such that of a childhood sweetheart? The new husband was able, but she isn’t. How can one replace 20 years of knowing someone? That’s non-sense. She’s right. It’s impossible.

An alien cultural funeral procession? How the heck did Koreeda capture the beginning of snow with that frame?

She continues to ruminate.

His answer is great, about chasing an alluring light in the distance. There’s no real answer.

The new husband is great, spending time with the kid, helping the son ride his bike.

It’s during the winter humans ruminate, and during the spring and summer that humans take action. She decided to leave.

obvious screenplay bits:
new husband as a shadow
she says “you nut” to her new husband, which was something her husband said to her
her grandmother disappear into the cold and dies, the new grandmother figure disappears but comes back
like her, the new husband senses something wrong, but perhaps feels it’s small
son wants to buy a green bicycle with a bell like his father had
Ozu ending
– season change
– position of her a little behind
[probably missed a bunch, such as cleaning the floors, empty rooms, and more]

When I saw this during my film-consuming younger years, I thought it was great. Maybe it was the lack of words, emphasis on visuals, human gesture, and ideas.

During this second view, after recovering from a personal recent heart-break, I just watch it without much feeling, in wonder, thinking of my own problems, or nothing, passing time. Perhaps it’s my favored contemplative pacing that made me love it.

It is strange when the camera sits on her husband, in the factory, then again, when he leaves without looking back. His reaction is strange: he doesn’t react. She says she’s been acting a bit weird and he gives a strange story of an older retired sumo-wrestler co-worker making him depressed. Did he not react out of depression? She tries to cheer him up, with such pure-hearted cheerfulness, but to no avail.

In a realistic analysis now: I know East Asian cultures tend to put blame on themselves, thus resulting in suicide, as opposed to Americans, who may find optimism in other motives (art, work, media), move on more easily (more shallow relationships), blame it on others, or some other method of coping.

Indeed, Japan’s culture seems to be on the extreme end of the family-community spectrum. There is so much emphasis on family. So much so that memories, mementos, time, seem to create a whole different mindset [todo: perhaps add Our Little Sister thoughts here too]. Every object in a house has a reason or meaning. Any change in the family relationship is considered a paradigm shift. Every family decision is thought about deeply, decided formally. This is what frightens me about Japanese culture, because I’m on other extreme end — community and playing / exploration.
— (end of first writing session)

Leave a comment | Categories: Art, Film Reviews, Films, Humanities

Book-shops and Learning

26 June 2016

[aka Re-visiting the Eslite Book-store]

Back to the place I began reading, for a day, before I leave Taipei, and leave reading again.

I now see why this book-store was so conducive before: the selection is amazing. A normal, rather large library in itself is of almost no organizational use. It’s good for the purpose of research, as it can provide written source sources, but that’s it. It doesn’t offer a general education in any way. It’s a mess of information, like the Internet, except more out-dated and disorganized (physical organization hits it’s limit compared to searchable digital organization). The book-store, though sufficiently large for any human, just provides a a few shelves for world history or Western philosophy. The selection top notch: top publishers, highly regarded, highly readable, organizations of knowledge: A Little History of the World, Sapiens, What is Cultural History?, Social Class in the 21st Century (Pelican) – that’s what I’ve got next to me at the moment.

This kind of organization, a well-selected library is quite a different experience from Wikipedia too. Wikipedia doesn’t organize information in the way that people can. People can organize the same information into infinite ways and mediums. For Wikipedia, though not restricted, the format is quite standard. If I look at the history of the world article, it’s likely chronologically and spatially ordered somewhat, leading to separate histories of each country. The small topics chosen by Harari in Sapiens to describe the history of the world through ideas like science and empire of the industrial-research-technology complex just doesn’t fit Wikipedia’s format. The mapping of knowledge, the gaining of wisdom, seems entirely dependent on the way information is organized. That is, after all, what artists do: manipulate information (via material [non-digital and digital]).

This better explains my first experience with books here. I found the Western Philosophy section and the readings must have organized my mind because the selection was so damn good. I [can only] imagine few people [in the world] that [may have] began reading with Bacon, Montaigne, Wittgenstein, Russell, in that order. Perhaps western philosophy initially lead me in the wrong directions; it being merely an intellectual history, but it was a start.

Now, I feel I can peruse the entire library, though I still choose to stick to culture (cultural theory and maybe cultural history) and those finer gems: highly readable, uniquely organized writings. But I don’t feel there’s much use. [Written] Organization is for the weak. Its detail will always be lossy and of low-quality. It’s best to stay skeptic: all written history is false and all philosophy is bullshit. Now, with only a map, go out and consume and alter the world!

Leave a comment | Categories: Applied Philosophy, Art, Communication, Epistemology, Experience, Humanities, Literature, Media, Philosophy, Philosophy of Education, Philosophy of Language, Philosophy of Literature, Uncategorized

Action, Attention, and Space

19 June 2016

[related posts: The Ideal Work]

[todo: written without editing]

During active times I think about what I can do within the time and space. But what varies in a large amount, depending on the state of mind, is what can be done (in my mind) and can’t, or more precisely, what is not thought of.

What can or cannot be done is a matter of mind. Anything can be done. But the mind creates rules, through state (laws), culture (customs), peers (pressure), and self (ethics). Depending on the state of mind, the rules of mind may change, and therefore, possible actions change.

For example, if I want to talk about neighborhood problems, during a more active time, I may just begin asking neighbors, any one in the neighborhood, anyone near me. During a less active time, I’m more likely to find some kind of social organization to talk to.

If I want to talk about anything, I am able to talk to anyone nearby about it, similar to how Boar is able to talk to anyone about her personal problems, including the apartment receptionist / security.

Another example, if I want to go to another town and its late, during a more active time, I would try going (catch transport, hitchhike), if something stops me, I’ll physically stop there. During a less active time, I’d probably plan where to eat and sleep. My problem is that I rarely am able to follow plans: schedules, times, etc, so the former works better for me, feels more progressive, and is a more active life.

Physical needs (food, toilet, air conditioner, floor to sleep on) should not be prioritized, yet, they cannot be ignored.

As thought and action separate, level of activity decreases, until a vegetable thinking state is reached.

Another example, if I want to run an event or some kind of activity, I may just run in on the street, or a nearby venue [this is a good epistemological pro of the city]. If I were less active, then I’d over-plan it and never do it.

Another example, if I want to create something with material, I’d ask people nearby for the material. If less active, I would use the Internet (, and that’s how use of Internet for research begins). Though, getting the material or service within the city is prioritized.

Another example, if I want to do something, I’d ask people nearby if they want to do it, join, or, if it exists, join an event or group or space. In a less active mode, I wouldn’t do it. It would remain a thought. Or, I’d have to do it alone. This is why a city works, for me. I just have to ask people nearby. The barrier of communicating an invitation is lowered, because they [people] are nearby. There is no need to create an event, make a big deal, plan a time, etc. One simply goes out, talks, and does things. It’s natural.

The distance between thought and action decreases as the [distance between humans](todo: link to post) decreases.

Communication is an action. It increases as distance decreases. Dense-living peoples communicate orally. Sparse-living peoples communicate through mediums.

Another example, if I want to call but don’t have any charge for my phone’s battery, during a more active time, I would simply ask people nearby if I can use their phone. During a less active time, I may search a place to charge my phone.

Being active seems to include being more social, perhaps because social actions often can increase the speed of actions.

I could feel the difference in state of minds when I slowed down. Before the city, I’d think about everything that made up a single shop, material, history, people in it, their minds, how the systems allowed the creation of it. A single shop was enough of an interest. A mind is interesting enough. It was worth talking to the people in it. But now in a city, I pass by so many. I can’t talk to them all, make sense of them all; how they came to be, and so on. It’s too much. Yet, it seems wrong to just pass by. Every shop has a life in it; How can one easily pass by so many shops? There is so much life to live by communicating with every shop. But why must I skip it? Why can’t I spend my time here, in this geolocation, and communicate? Why move on? I just want to sit and talk.

It just didn’t make sense to move through a city. I don’t even like moving, unless some vehicle is moving me, because it requires a piece of my brain, and that means less communicating.

To walk through a campus like NTU or CHKU seemed impossible. Biking through, also a huge waste of time. The denser city was so much more efficient. There were people I could communicate to within such a short distance. Old schools are built like large government building areas, absolutely beuracratic and departmentalized. The city was infinitely more conducive to communication than the school. The school required others to transport with, or, use of digital communication.

Only walkable human environments are ideal. In such places, the mind is freely able to communicate without being restricted by transportation and urban planning.

If within a space a person receives a call and says “hold on, I’ll call back once I’m in a quieter area”, than that space fails to be communicable, and is dentrimental to the social well-being. To be well, one must maximize time within communicable spaces. Time spent outside those spaces is isolating.

Digital communication alleviates spatial problems, tremendously. One can feel socially well in the worst environments as long as one has their digital communication application.

[todo: can continue]

Leave a comment | Categories: Epistemology, Humanities, Personal, Philosophy, Social Philosophy, Thoughts

Childhood and Media and This Recent Lonely Phase

18 June 2016

[todo: written without editing]

Recently, at least for the past two months, but perhaps up to the past two years, I’ve been living, communicating heavily through media. It can be seen through my recent writings. But more recently, perhaps only within the past month, or since my last post related to history, I stopped communicating. I bought a pair of headphones, and broke my link to the social world. It reverted my life mode to what feels identical to my childhood: no social life, relying on media and nature to keep me alive — music, biking, playing games. A life mode seemingly more primitive. It doesn’t ask questions about actions nor does it question decisions. It simply lives.

What’s been coming to mind often is the disbelief that I lived in such a way for so long. Is it normal? Or did I live a strangely unsocial childhood? Is it normal for American suburbia / caused by the environment?…

Not long ago I experienced the opposite: I didn’t want to take an action without others. I didn’t even want to wake up, or shower. Where’s the fun without doing things without others? So the contrast creates that disbelief.

“Is it normal?” Maybe in the culture of more rural areas, suburbia: less dense areas. It’s just so much more easier and resultingly happier to take actions with people in dense areas: to help the people spatially near. Perhaps even natural. If that’s true, then my childhood was indeed unnatural — that word more precise than abnormal.

“Did I live a strangely unsocial childhood?” Don’t all children wander around playfully with their toys? I do feel I spent a lot more time obsessively organizing things: my music library (during the time of just-post-Napster), my film library (during Netflix DVD-by-mail), and so on. Heck, I’ve just recently done this with my own writings.

I think what I felt strange about it was that I just feel I spent so much time with not-so-communicative-media (music) as opposed to communicating with people or more-communicative-media (documentary, writings). Of most priority, in general, the difference in time I spend with people during my time in Asia compared to my childhood feels infinite.

Every hour I could be thinking about the various people around me, what to do with them, whereas in America, I wouldn’t. It’s that spatial difference for me

In America I was okay doing things alone; I had my own narrow thought and directions. In Asia, I took into consideration the infinite factors of a society.
x…
Perhaps my childhood wasn’t too unsocial, as I always wanted to play games with people all night.

But playing games and riding bikes was something I wanted to do, and not everyone else in society wanted. I rarely did things I didn’t care for: cooking, pro-sports, whatever other kids (and adults?) do (???). So those activities were still directional.

It wasn’t until I moved to the city that I actually tried other things, that I may not have cared for much, but because I could do it socially, without exclusivity, I did. I’d join any free event, art event, workshops, etc.. Somehow, denoting that an activity was an event lured me in. [todo: it wasn’t denoting an activity, rather, having the knowledge that one could join an event and it actually existing in a nearby time-space, as opposed to creating an activity in my hometown] I could have done the same things at home, with my friends and family, but now that there was information denoting what was going on, I joined. Actions to be taken were written in the form of a human language. The event-makers of cities shaped my actions for the limited times they had. They were the game-makers, social game-makers.
x…
Back to the huge contrast between childhood and Asia:
To have people as the focus of my mind, what gets attention as opposed to not. To go to Humans of Taipei and critical theory from wanting to play a video game. It is a huge difference. In the past media kept me awake: music and games. Now, people keep me awake: any nearby relations. Perhaps the problem is that unlike the continuity, immortality of media, social relations can be lost, and losing them during the more Asian way of life leads to social death. | I socially died once I lost my social connections. I lost them because I became (habitually) stuck in a place (spatially) due to economic problems. | Thus, I must live in a social place (hostel, public space, a place close to a public space [in a city]), or make the place I live in social. Furthermore, I must not let the negative culture of the space resides in (capitalism, consumerism, etc.) drive me out. Then what?: the inevitable: fight it or create my own.

It is indeed natural to desire to do things socially, and other than the times in which I desired to ride bikes or play games with my friends, in retrospect it does seem my childhood was unnatural.

Perhaps it’s a matter of focus. Before, I focused on media, later on people, minds. During my time of travel I observed what people did, questioned why, like an anthropologist. Those people often focused on material things, most of all: media. It was clear while traveling that one can see the city-dwellers using their smartphones whilst riding public transportation as opposed to talking to the people nearby to gain wisdom. And it was only in those spaces (hostels especially, public spaces, etc.) — no institution, including the most recent one (NTU) — that life could be found. Here were people that [todo: self-note, writing session 2, after food break] focused on other people. Their goal was to go out with another person just to join or create an activity to do with even more people, often an event in which the focus are people. It’s about going out with an American traveler to showing her the neighborhoods I like in Taipei, allowing her to see its beauty, and together, with the night market vendors, engage in an activity. It’s about joining a local surfer for a lesson, surfing, and eating, and taking, and sleeping at the surf shop worker apartment. It’s about joining a volunteer for a volunteer building project, eating and meeting more volunteers, building together, and sleeping at a temple together. It’s the time of sharing experiences that mattered most. [hmmm, well that drifted off-topic… Well maybe not:]

Often times, more than one’s individual directions and desires. The social, shared experience would beat the individual directions, and the choice between going out with hostel-mates as opposed to making video games slanted greatly toward the social choice. Surely I would try to match my directions by making them social, but it wasn’t always possible. And when it didn’t exist in society, I changed motives. Instead of thinking about and making media, I changed to thinking about local people and making things with them. Should I have stuck to my directions / teach others to explore the directions with me?; just as I explored on my bike, trying to get friends to join me on my biking adventures? Is it a matter of becoming more narrow and specific that leads to less socialness? It seems explorers must learn to go about alone, or learn to teach. An explorer’s life or ethics should not be compared to others, because there is nothing it can be compared to: it is unique.

But my change from making media to desiring to change culture, to affect human behavior in more direct ways was a good one. It was good to have those social experiences, or else, well, I’d be stuck in the suburbs making trite games. So having an individual direction isn’t enough; it needs a social component. Or else, one is simply stuck in some isolated culture, an isolated state of mind. Rather, life is comprised of both, taking individual strides in unexplored directions and being open to the social lives around. Balancing them is something I still haven’t figured out. I’ve been to both extremes. Those extremes, are what I usually ascribe to the stereotype or culture of America and culture of Taiwan. American culture is to be narrow-minded, single-directioned. Taiwan culture is to be open-minded (cultures, minds, lives), without direction.

To work toward something is to have direction. To observe others is to not. One must work and observe. Attention must be able to sway from observing the world and working. One shouldn’t become dependent on them, especially the point of socially dying when not progressing in either direction. One must not be dependent on either work or people: both are temporal. Either one can fly in and out of life. One shouldn’t wake up to desire to work toward a project or to spend time with another person. There must be another reason. (How do imprisoned people live on? Is their livelihood even considered living?) No, no reason. Don’t attach reason to living. Life is not to be reduced to a set of ethics. Life is whatever the next day brings it. To have goals, desires for those goals, leads to same trap as anticipation does: it builds false optimistic ends. Never anticipate, never desire. By desiring better human behavior, better decision-making, better cultures, I’ve nearly destroyed myself.
.
Work, but expect nothing from it. Observe, but accept no truth from it.
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But then, without desire, how can one wake up? That sounds like the life of a passion-less zombie. In the past I woke up because I either desired to do something (personal art, observing through media, observing reality, interacting with reality) or was simply content with being open to the world around me. To do something closer to the world around me was most satisfying. To do something narrow, further from the world around me, likely unsocial, was perhaps, less so. Though, I think I had a pretty good time with films in high school and books more recently. The answer to the question, how does one work and be open, is a difficult one.

Perhaps they are opposing modes of life. They simply cannot be done simultaneously, as one ever so desires. One must simultaneously desire both and balance them. Desire to work. Desire to listen. | Listening is education. Work is practice. Just as practice alters with education, work alters with listening. Avoid the extremes I ascribe to the stereotypical American and Taiwanese cultures. Avoid extremes in general. Work and listen. Listen and work. Desire both. Do both. When focused too much on one side, spend time on the other, and vice versa.

I think that’s it. In this recent past, being alone in my mind, I’ve finally went to that lonely childhood being, and it’s frighteningly different from my post-VA being: I went from one extreme to another. The problem is that I shouldn’t have ever been at either extreme. I focused too much in my own work recently, and too much on the world before that. I can never find the balance. Hopefully living with a few good people I will get closer.

[todo: end here / end of session 2]


[todo: lost a thought here?]


[todo: these were written during the first session, but I ended up focusing on the above point]
What’s also clear is how different my life is from post-VA to pre-SF. It seems I gradually became more social since I left my parent’s home in VA until I became dependent on being social to take actions in Taiwan, only to revert to independence now. I began with shared roommates in SF, then volunteer organizations and art organizations in NY, then work exchange and hostels in Asia. Spatially, things got closer too, to the point I slept with the people I am socially closest with…

It seems post-VA that I had the energy to keep trying to socially communicate my actions with people. I was searching for people, simultaneously changing myself in the course of searching. That constant searching itself kind of became my life mode. I’d search, find, settle for a few months, then move on. The point was that I kept being social; being a part of society, and that was markedly different from my VA life. Perhaps my social dependence began post-VA, or at least began developing.

[todo: can continue]

Leave a comment | Categories: Personal, Self-assessment, Thoughts

Philosophy of Music

09 June 2016

[this is a drafty mess transcribed from paper. Really need some kind of bluetooth flexible keyboard to use with a smartphone…]

page 0

[todo: Taiwan culture and streets, clingy relationships, social world of locality]

page 1

I finally got some cheap, yet amazingly good, headphones. Listening to them reminds me of a past time of my life — programming for capital in VA [Virginia, USA], commuting to college, doing chore-like work at home (repetitive organizing on the computer); Now I’m able to see that the way I survived the suburbs is because I abused music.

Using technology is not normal. It is much slower to communicate through technology than it is to simply talk — within one’s head, out loud, or through writing. Technology distracts thinking and communicating.
.
Music interrupts, blocks thinking and communicating. To blog, for instance, I may need to connect to the internet, charge my digital device. Looking at my blog may distract further, directing thought toward design — trying to make it more readable, increasing interaction. It [technology] distracts from the content, from the act of writing, the act of thought expression.
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Music blocks thinking. It’s the only way to act, it seems. To take an action that is not communication nor survival, one must drug onelsef with more ot push one’s body to act.

With more, people organize, over-organize, over-work, over-accumulate capital. They forget to talk. Asia talks; America works. In Taiwan, reading is common (though likely passively), a common way to communicate. In America, new arts are created to communicate which all require more work (game-making!) to communicate the message compared to human language. Why not just communicate via human language? (Maybe music blocks people from expressing through human language.)
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It also may block thought of the environment. It helps people focus on something — media, art, material, “work”, but rarely does it lead to talking to people nearby, to thinking about how the environemnt came to be, history, others, social problems, etc. It is a mind-altering drug, one that inhibits verbal expression.

page 2?

I believe I was at a point of only acting to communicate. I didn’t do anything else. I’d talk to the people around me, then, to books, then run out of energy and collapse, partly because my body had become fail, partly because capitalism doesn’t allow that kind of life of mind. It prefers a life of bodily action, of movement of commodity. The movement of commodity is the opposite of the movement of meanings (communication). It is detestable, a chore, it provokes humans to abuse music; whereas communication is enjoyable, not requiring music.

If joy comes from the creation of communication, then the creation of commoidity requires a kind of drug to make-up for the lack of enjoyment. It is ideal to creat ecommodity whilst creating communicationl but that isn’t always possible (though, technology helps immensely here, with eBook listening, audio-recording, telephones, etc.). Eventually, either from habit of work, habit of listening to music, one nearly forgets to communicate. That’s frightening, because that’s the difference between a person who expresses and one that doesn’t, the difference between a free mind and a restricted mind. [A free person and restricted person {slave}?] America is full of restricted minds. Asia is full of free minds.

The West prioritizes media, the communication through mediums. The East prioritizes [direct] communication, even in it’s simply a conversation with a friend. There is much widsom in the people as opposed to media. It doesn’t distribute well, but it’s a healthy lifestyle. The West begins with (Plato and) Aristotle. The East relies on the oral world which retains the culture. Culture is not distributed through media; It is through human interaction, direct communication. That is opposite of the culture industry of America. [todo: should continue*****].

[todo: epistemology of music]

[todo: action and music]

Without music I only act toward survival and communication — the socio-political expressions. Music allows me to live unsocially. It gives energy without people. I needed people during my time in Asia. I was dependent on people. I strived to do everything with people [todo: need anchor to Taiwan section]. I tried to socio-politically cooperate to strive toward ideals (civic, social, design). I didn’t work, I just communicated.

page 3?

America has been running on music at least since slaves worked to their own creative folk tunes; Now, white brokers on Wall street work while listening to hip-hop. Maybe the creation of music is skewed toward the working class because they need it to get by, influenced and inspired by it, mimic the creation of it, listening to raps about wage-labor whilst laboring for wage. I sure did — through game, film, and fine arts / new media. That expression, anti-capitalism in America is perhaps the strongest emotion in American culture, perhaps even more-so than love (all forms of it). And it [the creation capitalism-influenced art] probably has not been broken since capitalism has existed.

last page?

That is why the East lacks art through mediums — most is expression through oral communication, then to written communication, then lastly to other mediums. The history of the complex part of Eastern art is perhaps solely literature. It is because America listens to music that they [tend to] communicate through mediums.

digression: How is communication prioritized? I guess that’s left to attention. Communication is just information.

empty page with title

[todo: American culture and music -> media]

an older page

Music is awful. It blocks thinking. Gives energy, for physical exercise, but actions are not thought of, just taken. It blocks thinking before taking an action. The decision-making phase is skipped. Is this action? Is this life? How can such mindlessness be? How wild the affects of music are.

Leave a comment | Categories: Action, Applied Philosophy, Communication, Drafts, Experience, Filmmaking, Health, Humanities, Media, Metaphysics, Music, Personal, Philosophy, Philosophy of Language, Philosophy of Music, Philosophy of Technology, Semiotics, Social Philosophy, temp, Thoughts

My Workflow for Written Expression

03 June 2016

Continuing the thought from the self-note from the last post:

[self-note: this was published using markdown, and is a good for testing it. The original text is in a text file in Dropbox. Can either copy the HTML from the text file using an application (Writebox) or use the WordPress markdown plugin. It seems I may have been playing with the formatting of highlights and notes, using unordered lists (via markdown), which led to some cosmetic updates to the CSS. I don’t know how to write a non-html-list in markdown using “\n- text”. I really sure hope all this messing with digital bullshit will make expressing thoughts easier during more active times in life…

It might be helpful to write down the workflow, perhaps minimizing it.

Here is my current workflow:
1. experience
2. think
– non-verbal / skip to action, oral (in the mind or out loud)
3. decide to write
– written is a choice among infinite choices of actions
4. express via writing to nearest material
– paper, public computer, smartphone
– audio recording an alternative worth considering
if written on physical material:
– 4.5 transcribe to digital text file
5. publish to WordPress

Here is my current workflow with current technology:
if using phone:
write via a writing (likely markdown-supported) smartphone application (Writebox, Plaintext [2], Byword)
copy text or HTML to clipboard
paste into WordPress [web browser (because the WordPress application sucks)]
– possibility: can purchase an update for Byword to publish to WordPress
— this [Byword publishing feature] might be worth purchasing*
— is it worth looking at alternative writing smartphone applications for publishing feature?: iaWriter*, Elements: Design, nvALT and WriteRoom*, MarsEdit, Ulysses (and Daedelus Touch), Desk [PM], Nebulous Notes. No. Stick to the simply wonderful Byword*.

if not:
write directly via WordPress (if near / convenient; it never is convenient)
write to a text file using Writebox
– Writebox is multi-platform, including web browsers, making it simple to use from any personal computer. This is the closing thing to physical paper.

Leave a comment | Categories: Art, Humanities, Literature, Organization, Personal, Philosophy of Literature, Thoughts

Reading Political History

28 May 2016

[aka Criticism of the Experience of Reading Political Histories]

Thoughts after [listening to] 25 minutes of A History of Rome by Hadas Moses:

The format is wonderful: chronologically ordered narrative with huge quotes from ancient sources{, starting with Livy}. It reads like one huge story!

But, is it worth reading such text? It’s so unreal, granted, it does start with the more legendary ancient stuff. Can anything be learned? I highlighted and noted so few bits, especially when compared to, say, Georg Simmel, or any biography: In a biography I can try to see why a person takes the actions that they did; In philosophy, I can match many of my own ideas to the philosopher’s, picking up some words, mapping some ideas together, or with better reading actually learn something or provoke thoughts. But reading a narrative (political) history seems as dull to the mind as reading a narrative fictional book: It feels as if there is no social reality to to try to understand actions; There are no ideas to better understand the world and people’s minds. The society is simply too distant. Perhaps reading about Romans war is similar to reading about New Guinean tribes war. The difference in the experiences of reading and watching a documentary is phenomenal. My mind works during the experience of watching. Things click, neurons are linked.

I will continue, but I think, watching any sort of socially real film is a far better use of time.

Perhaps reading social history is a better experience.

Leave a comment | Categories: Applied Philosophy, Art, Communication, Experience, Humanities, Literature, Media, Philosophy, Philosophy of History, Philosophy of Literature

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