Rahil

Category Archives for: Schizoid Personality Disorder

Solitude and Depression

06 December 2014

I’ve written a bit about this in the past when I observed the affects of solitary work, my history of sleeping patterns, life as a wave of highs and lows, a specific moment in my own history going from high to low.

Causes:
My personal depressions usually involve a combination of these characteristics of the material world, which affect the mind and body:

Mind:
lack of social relationships
lack of sensory input (sensory deprivation)

Body:
lack of heat
lack of sunlight

Effects:
The immediate effects are:
anxiety (usually results in finding replacements for the lack of the effects [this can be very strong during more manic times])
lucid daydreaming (sensory illusion)

The later effects are:
depression
loss of time and perception
oversleeping

Actions:
I want to elaborate on the anxiety part by describing some of my past actions. It feels so basic that the desire to bring those things lost back to equilibrium seems of animalistic instinct. I’ve previously taken actions to relieve all of the negative effects. The actions can be separated to two kinds: immediate and long-term. Here I will discuss the immediate kinds. The long-term actions are listed under my solutions which come later.

The cause of sensory deprivation is usually an environment that isolates sensory input: a dwelling. I usually resolve this by either finding sensory input inside the house i.e. consuming media. This seems unnatural.

I usually resolve the social time simply by talking to someone nearby, or by attending a social event. If there is no one to talk to nearby, technology can be used to communicate, but I am reluctant to use technology to communicate to people outside of the isolated environment. I’m more likely to rely on the communication of artists through art objects. Though this approach too seems unnatural

The cause of cold weather is a matter of the climate of where I live. I usually resolve this with exercise, warm clothing, warm showers, and natural electric lighting. Though this approach too seems unnatural.

[todo: long term, where to put?: One time when I was in Taipei, I took the radical action of deciding to go to India, perhaps strongly influenced by this need; It was winter, though not too cold, I did not feel great. It has also affected my choice in San Francisco above New York, and Asia above America and Europe. Temperature is such a simple bodily effect that the response is a part of homeostasis, yet the the desire is factored in such large decision-making.]

[todo: move paragraph?] Houses seem to have paradoxical social and heat influences: the house has a heater, attracting people to isolation, as opposed to pushing people outside of houses, to gather in public spaces.

[todo: move paragraph?] The fact I’ve written so much about depression and not everything else in life is because solitude causes me to talk in the form of writing, likely while experiencing depression.

It is unnatural to build an artificial environment when the ability to move to an environment that offers natural solutions is possible. We don’t live in a time where travel is impossible or too expensive. I feel there is a very simple, yet strong cognitive bias here, to the point that the decision to live in the place one currently resides is now unthought of. Individuals, families, entire communities alike could move, and often do when a stimulus arises (natural disaster, no money).

Personal psychology and sociology:
from Wikipedia:

…some psychological conditions (such as schizophrenia and schizoid personality disorder) are strongly linked to a tendency to seek solitude. In animal experiments, solitude has been shown to cause psychosis.

The desire for solitude for a short period doesn’t fit modern society very well. I’ve got a long history of sleeping in class and working mindlessly during these times. It’s the direct cause of a lot of wasted time of my own past.

To seek solitude, yet not stay in it for too long is a common struggle anyone (especially artists that want to get personal work done). I’ve argued that it is best to live in a community of a developing country and even better to live on edge of that community for higher creative needs.

In addition, nearly every winter I face this problem solely due to the causation of negative effects on the body.

Solution:
To avoid solitude, I need to simply remember to avoid these places:
cold and non-sunny climate
dwellings isolated from large communities

The warm climate deters cold and lack of sunlight.
A dwelling near a large community (small towns, cities, institutions) deters isolation.

Conclusion:
Perhaps these are the reasons I have a tendency to prefer large communities to small ones. To the dismay of those individuals I’ve met in small communities and for the self-interest of my own health, it seems my ideal lifestyle is to live within a larger community, which allows me to go into phases of soft solitude.

This ideal lifestyle constricts my ideal habitat to a large community. Thus, the environment I live in isn’t just for the sake of increasing creativity, having proximity of the intelligent and their communities, or other high-culture needs, but also for the basic needs of health, determined by very simple sensory and social factors.

Leave a comment | Categories: Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Social Philosophy, Urban Philosophy

Mood Swings

22 November 2014

>9/3/13
When my creativity and motivation stops, what is the remedy? Travel? Spend time with friends? Meet people?

What will wake me up?

What will get me out of depression?

This is quite common for me. Usually on a high for about 3 months, then a low. I usually struggle getting out of the low. It usually results a change in direction, but that doesn’t fit many societies, when a job may have the length of a year. I finish whatever project I’m working on, then move on. This leads to me choosing small projects.

Mood swings are probably associated to my schizoid psychology.

9/20 in Tokyo, Japan
Feeling restless. Not enough social communication. I need friends, work friends, family. Keep creating and talking.

My heart is going to explode if I don’t talk to someone.

It really does feel as if my heart were to explode. I desired stimulus that badly. I’m absolutely restless.

~2/14/13 to 8/6/13: in New York
Perhaps the slump hits hard only because I previously never had something I was excited about.

I’m neither tiring my mind or body enough to sleep. I must not be outing enough work hours in.

I think written closer to winter time.

Leave a comment | Categories: Action, Philosophy, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder

Korea and The Apex of SPD

15 November 2014

the height of travel
– an abstract world
– life made no sense
– why speak a certain language?
– why do certain work?

When I flew from India to Hong Kong, I felt that I was on top of the world.

I saw through Hong Kong. I explored it within a week. I found the most valuable artists there. I had little to no interest to it’s culture. I was done with it.

When I arrived in my high class hostel in Seoul, I felt the apex of Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD).

I could barely go to the bathroom without thinking about how much money was being wasted at the hostel. After being in India and Nepal for 3 months, then going to Hong Kong for a week, the amount of goods in Seoul felt ridiculous: spacious rooms, clean, free water, six lane roads, cars, tons of space, cafes, endless comfort.

It was probably the deepest feeling I had during all of my travels. I would be talking to myself at really high speeds. Questioning everything, material and human. It was as if I was re-constructing what society is in my head.

I questioned why anyone could create anything. Life was far beyond a means a living, yet people moved to take action, perhaps toward some work, which I didn’t understand.

I think it’s because Seoul feels like a sprawling suburb, and suburbs are still non-sensical to me. My mind couldn’t figure out why anyone who act in such ways.

[TODO: definitely worth thinking about why it had such a great effect]

>9/3/13
I adapt to the hostel in Seoul. I become accustomed to technology and money. I forget about others. I become less creative. I think less. And I hate myself for it all. I don’t ever want to be lazy again.

Adapting to the developed world means becoming an automaton?

Leave a comment | Categories: Mind and Matter, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder, South Korea, Travel

Social Life in Proximity

10 November 2014

I feel I have a rather unique characteristic that has greatly influenced my life: I only talk to people in proximity.

The norm is is to keep relationships healthy via communication over the telephone, e-mail, and video-chat. I only talk communicate to people if they are physically near.

If I live in a house in a suburb, then I am alone.

If I live in a city, I have the people in the city.

If I live in a house with several roommates, I will talk to those people more than more-valued relationships.

If I live in another country, then I do not talk to the people in the last country.

I believe I do this because I have no control of my social impulses. If someone is nearby, I talk. If there is a delicious piece of foodstuffs nearby, I eat it. It’s not much different. It’s a pleasure to talk, as it is to eat. The proximity of pleasures result in action. Perhaps that makes me hedonistic.

This trait alone causes destruction of relationships, makes me prone to social determinism, and eventually leads to severe adaptation to different societies.

The only way to make me work is to put me in a work place. The only way to make me talk is to place me in a place filled with people. The only way for me to make art is to place me in a place where many people make art. The only way for me to work for charity is to place me in a place that requires charity.

Sure, I make decisions, sometimes getting out of society and therefore escaping social determinism, but, for the most part, it seems my life has almost entirely depended on where I place myself. Therefore, the placement of myself is of utmost importance.

Leave a comment | Categories: Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Thoughts

A Strange Moment during Humans of Taiwan

08 November 2014

10/10/13
I failed to talk to people for the purpose of humans. It was a waste of time. Wanderlust in the city. No social time. No work. No learning. Like the weekends in San Francisco. I need routine. A moment of a schizoid. This only happens when I am alone, otherwise I’m quick, watching time. In that moment in Wenhua, I was stuck. An extreme care for bums and lower class people. Hesitant of communicating with them. The humans project is a psychological battle.

This was indeed a strange moment.

I was in 萬華區 taking photos for Humans of Taiwan. It’s the grittiest part of Taiwan. The metro exits into a park full of people. Many not even Taiwanese. It’s visibly poorer, filthier, with an extremely high density of people.

The past few days I did well in talking to people and taking pictures. This moment changed that. After talking to a few people and taking a picture, at some point I was unable to continue. I couldn’t talk to some, or anyone anymore. My mind stopped forming Chinese sentences. Perhaps facing the poor caught up to me emotionally, and my care for them stopped me, from doing anything.

I mean, what was I doing anyway? To them I am perceived as a tourist taking a photo with them, or a language student, taking a photo of them. Taiwanese people know how Taiwanese people are. Was I really gaining any unique insight into human nature?

My bane: Unable to make meaningful social interactions with lower class people while living a higher class one. Extreme care? So powerful that it stops me for hours.

Leave a comment | Categories: Humanities, Life, Personal, Philosophy, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Social Philosophy, Taiwan, Travel

Hypomania

10 July 2014

[Did not read this, but it seems I wrote it during my travels. TODO: need to read and expand. Also see, SPD in Korea]

During much of my time in Asia (Taipei, Taiwan, Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, India, and Taipei again) I experienced high anxiety, loss of reality, and unimaginable happiness.

At first, I figured it was simply the effect of weather [link to effects of weather] on dopamine. Clearly high temperature and sunlight affected me. After reading a few articles of Wikipedia, I re-diagnosed this time as mania.

I experienced all of the effects of Mania: extroverted characteristics, pressured speech, racing thoughts, unable to work for long periods of time without external stimuli, ADHD; problems with physiology: sleeping less, more active lifestyle.

During travel in Asia, I’d wake up, rush to figure out what to do, then somewhat execute it, making up trip along the way. Every hour of travel was a new experience, something to consume, extending time [link to time]. I was at awe and wonder throughout, meeting people, exploring, deeply thinking about the things around me (how things have come to be, anthropology, etc.), and thinking about ways for me to produce something from my interactions.

I didn’t talk to people. I extract the information I wanted from them. Or, explored together. I was a monster and information from external sources was my food.

All I had to do was spend time moving around outside, seeing the public for a few hours during the heat and sunlight to satisfy my body. I’d often return to a hostel late at night socialize.

Perhaps in countries I could not interact with locals, I substituted with observing.

Leave a comment | Categories: Personal, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Thoughts, Travel

Hypomania and Creativity

10 June 2014

The times I felt hypomanic, I felt these were some of my most creative times in my life.

Creativity and productivity are separate. Creativity is the process of creating ideas. Productivity is implementing them.

During mania, I am so creative (flight of ideas) that I continue consuming (sensually) and creating new ideas. The problem is that I never want to settle one. How does one choose one to work on? How can any work be worth the time? As a person with a limited lifetime, wouldn’t it be efficient to only work on things with high effect low work ratio?

At this time I felt that even spending time to implement art onto a medium was a waste of time. Isn’t performance better, netting a direct result?

My work moved from medium to direct interaction, experiences. It supplied faster feedback, which was crucial as I worked alone. Travel is the best way to consume the most amount of information, and a constant stream of performance-oriented events seemed the ideal way to create something based on that information. Humans of Taipei and Vincent Moon documentary-like videos.

Perhaps that’s true, but during the time, I forget, all information is not useful. And even good performances and documentation require some work, though, less than it used to.

Leave a comment | Categories: Philosophy, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder

Sleeping Problems

23 March 2014

This post is part of a self-assessment II

During my first job, I self-diagnosed myself to have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. The wikipedia article described several problems of my life during school. In retrospect, I now know this is only one comorbidity of a larger problem.

There is a clear division of the times I wake up: delayed, inconsistent, and on time.

Delayed

This occurs when I am intrinsically motivated, without external factors affecting me, or during which I have no reactions to external stimuli.

It seems if I have a normal social life or daily schedule — a job, personal work, school, I can stick to it, somewhat. I just happen to wake up a little later, perhaps 10:30AM. I’d sleep well, wake up spontaneously, feeling refreshed. I adapted my life to fit my body’s schedule, resulting in a less social, yet extremely physiologically healthy life. It probably netted in more films then real social activities.

During scheduled work — school and my first two jobs, I’d choose to come in at 10:30AM to 11:00AM, which is about when my brain wakes up. I’d start out well, but as my motivation waned I came in later. Perhaps I became less excited about life outside of work — exploring the city, social connections. Or, more likely, my jobs were repetitive, and I failed to find ways to continue being creative in such limits. Eight hours without creativity should make anyone somewhat intelligent mental.

In SF the second time and NY, when I was working on my own things, or things of mutual motivation, I woke up on a delayed schedule. During the summer, I’d often wake up at 10:30AM, but come winter time It would be a lot more inconsistent.

Inconsistent

This occurs during winter depressions, or as previously mentioned, when motivation in work — school and work — dwindles.

During winter depression, and even worse, the combination of winter and school or work, the schedule is severely impaired, resulting in Non-24-hour sleep–wake disorder. I’d wake up anywhere between 10:30AM to 4PM, sleeping at inconsistent times, unable to wake up at desired times, advancing my sleeping schedule forward, until I have to reset it.

On time

(business hours):
Being on time requires my goals to be attached to some external factor.

During the summers of my childhood, I wake up early because I’d want to go out, to enjoy the sun, to have more time to play with my friends, to have more time to explore with my bike. Also during family trips, I’d wake up alongside my family.

During most of my travel in Asia, I woke up on time. Perhaps this is because most people slept or went home when the sun went down. Or, because I was consistently motivated. Travel is special time where intrinsic motivation is affected by external stimuli.

In an extreme case, in Laos, where there was no light or electricity available, I woke up at 5am. Was it because there was no light, I had nothing to do (no computer, no one to talk to, no light to write), or I wanted to wake up with people the next day? Probably a combination of the three.

In another case, I’d wake early if my current goal or objective involved the interaction of other people whom have normal circadian rhythms:

In hostels, I’d often sleep with others, and, I’d wake up at the same time as they did. The action of people getting up in my room served as a time device. It was quite motivating (Social Loafing?), and socially healthy. I loved talking to others while getting ready. Similarly, many families in India live in a single room, waking up together at 5AM. Another reason maybe because I am schizoid and normally don’t have anyone to talk to in the morning.

During Humans of Taipei, my main goal was to talk to people, so I’d wake up early to maximize work time. At that point, I was so focused on other people I felt there was no reason to be awake at night as there was nothing for me to do that would advance me toward my goal. I’d sleep happily with the sounds of neighbors and people on the streets from a nearby open window.


Being schizoid, it’s possible for me to live without any external factors, leading to a misaligned sleep schedule. Intrinsic motivation and a delayed sleep schedule has had the most prolonged routine sleep schedules. The times I was on time were all very temporary. Being inconsistent usually means I was depressed.

Leave a comment | Categories: Life, Personal, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder

The Effects of Weather

23 March 2014

This post is part of a self-assessment II

A surprisingly great factor in my life.

I theorize there’s an association to weather and dopamine. I feel sunlight and heat release more dopamine, exaggerating the input of external stimuli. Without sunlight and heat, external stimuli is blunted.

TODO: Seasonal Affective Disorder, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

In Guns, Germs, and Steel, one of the probable answers by scientists for why people in Papua New Guinea did not have “cargo” (technology) is “the inhibitory effects of tropical climate (heat and humidity), and on human creativity and energy.” I was unable to Google much about this, but looking at the locations of Global cities, it’s possible.

I will divide my experience according to temperature and amount of sunlight: “summer” (high heat, high amount of sunlight), “winter” (low heat, low amount of heat), and “normal” (temperate heat and sunlight). Quotes are used because the season doesn’t matter, the actual temperature and sunlight do. In addition, I’ve moved several times in my life into different climates.

Summer

I am more inclined to go outside, stay in the sun, socialize, and am generally happier.

I want to stay out, on the streets, consuming more information externally by traveling — learning languages, thinking about others lives, anthropology, developing a care for those that struggle (like Tsai-Ming Liang films), seeing the world from the streets, wondering what people do indoors and why anyone would spend time inside. I am actively thinking at all times. Thinking about what to do at every moment, talking to myself (possibly in another language!). In extreme cases, I don’t want to spend any time indoors or alone. I become completely extroverted.

I feel more creative. I spend more time thinking about people. I want everything I do to involve a social aspect: art, school, work, and recreation. I wouldn’t mind taking a job as long as I am outside and social: a postman, a waiter at an outdoor cafe. My art gravitates toward ones that involve my interaction with other people: Humans of New York and Vincent Moon are of inspiration, as it involves with me simultaneously living and producing.

This coincides my love for games, which is also socially interactive. The problem comes when the game is digital, in which the implementation, programming, is not interactive. At most, one can be in a social place (the common room of a hostel, a public park, a social cafe, at a friend’s house, a studio) and do the work alongside others, with little interaction. It is a continuation of striving to find ways to live and work simultaneously.

The con of summer time is that I do less work, or don’t want to do any work at all. Or, perhaps, I do not do work that is not social — programming.

Physically, I drink more water, exercise less, do not suffer from carb-insulin problems, and may happily take a nap after some intense heat.

[link to time in Taipei the second time, travel in Asia]

Winter

Buy underclothing to control body warmth.

Taking a shower could be a good way to get warm, if exercise does not work.

The weather makes a large difference. I need to either live in an area with warm climate or wear underclothing all of the time.

The cold weather affects me too. Feel like eating and doing mindless work instead of designing.
~2/14/13 to 8/6/13 in San Francisco the second time

I ignore the world. Traveling and socializing becomes less rewarding. I’d rather stay indoors, only talking to people for a specific purpose. I’m more likely to consume media — films substitute observation, games substitute interaction). I’m more passive. I can do lonely tasks for a long period of time — programming, writing, etc. I don’t require social feedback. I become introverted.

In San Francisco, the second time, I was able to spend 80% of my time alone in UCSF library, in my room, or in cafes, programming. In New York, I was able to spend 80% of my time in Pratt Institute’s library, programming. During both times, the weather was mild to cold.

Physically, I suffer from the winter blues

Normal


temp paste:
only cure during winter:
1. Light therapy
2. Exercise
3. Dopamine altering drugs

Leave a comment | Categories: Life, Personal, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Travel

A Self-assessment II

22 March 2014

The extended winter weather in Taipei has caused my mind to become hallow. No feeling for travel or people, or to be social. Now is a good time to self-assess.

Last time I assessed myself, it was objective, written to be displayed to the public alongside my portfolio. It hides subjectivity and psychology, which I now want to explore.

To explore this, I must recall the feelings I had during each point in time of my history, observe it, rationalize it.

Contents:
A History
A Psychological Self-assessment

A History

Virginia:
School and media.

During summer breaks in school, I didn’t have work, so I’d spend a lot of time biking, exploring nearby neighborhoods.

During the fall and especially winter, I’d barely be able to wake up, sleeping through the first one or two classes. I’d stay up playing video games late night in my Dad’s office.

In college, I’d continue sleeping in. I spent a lot of time watching great films and playing Super Smash Bros. with my friends.

San Francisco:
A new city. A drastic increase in interaction with the public on a daily basis. A life alone. So much time, despite the long working hours and commute. A great leap forward compared to the last 21 years of life.

Yet it was a rat race. I worked for 8-10 hours and commuted for 4 hours. I was self-motivated by external factors: travel and survival. I took the job because I wanted to live in the city. Explore.

I spent the weekends traveling at full-speed. Going to new neighborhoods, eating at Yelp-rated restaurants, attending art events, all scheduled ahead of time to maximize experience. It was superficial.

It was fine for the moment, but I don’t think I could do it again. It lasted less than 5 months.

New York:
Perhaps the rat race conditioned me to have a work-heavy (work-life balance) life in New York. I spent 80% of the time working on my own games in Pratt Institute’s library. Working on something for 10+ hours a day, because I was self-motivated to do so. I thought, as long as I worked as hard as I did at a 9-5 toward work with a much higher standard than any job would I could get would allot; The time would be much more valuable, and therefore, in case I did need money, I would still be able to get a job — a better one. It was my own work. My own ideas. Why not work hard at it?

Turns out it was a failure because I failed to balance work-life. The designs were mediocre. Productive, somewhat innovative, poor execution. I failed to get verification for my work. I should have invested more time in social life.

After the initial exploration day, I explored very little, interacted very little with people. I only attended game events and comedy nights (my friend and roommate was a comedian), especially those related to Babycastles. I volunteered at Babycastles and interned for Zack Lieberman. Otherwise, it mostly involved work and exercise (running outside at night). It was a very narrow lifestyle.

Travel in Asia:
An escape from the rat race, yet I was still racing.

Taiwan:
I travelled Taipei for nine days struggling to make a decision for work: teach, volunteer, what am I doing? I thought traveling was a waste of time, unproductive.

I quickly found and volunteered at a school in Taiwan for two months. I assisted in teaching kids English by creating activities for younger students and having conversation with elder students. I also did general work: house chores, cooking, and babysitting. In retrospect, I feel a lot of it was still traveling: eating, learning Chinese, and fighting mosquitos.

I then spent two weeks traveling around Taiwan, using CouchSurfing twice. It mostly involved talking to hostel workers, CouchSurfing hosts, traveling, and eating lots of Taiwanese food. I feel that the expiration of my visa kept me going. I flew to Singapore.

Singapore:
Left the terrible city immediately for Malaysia.

Malaysia:
I went to Kuala Lumpur and struggled. It’s possible the heat drove me crazy. The goal was to make a film, but most of the time I wandered, ate, and failed to make film. I had footage of the worship of the three cultures of Malaysia: South India’s Hinduism, Islam, and Chinese Bhuddism. There was a lot of time wasted looking for better hostels.

I then went to Penang. I was fascinated by the traditional craftsmen there. I just love people who physically make things themselves as a living, and a traveller can physically see them all by walking along the streets. I began interviewing them, asking them questions. Then the film went on to cover the current gentrification of Penang and how the craftsmen would disappear. Then, while filming the craftsmen, I chose a delivery man, as the film would be more dynamic, and made a short film of just this single subject. I never bothered to complete the initial film. I also spent a week or so sick with gastroenteritis. The believe heat drove me nuts here too, driving me to see the craftsmen, old buildings, and try new foods.

Thailand:
In Bangkok I struggled again, as I did in Kuala Lumpur. Spending more time than I should have. I didn’t even wander as much. I’d was trying to figure out my next direction. A gritty film about prostitution? Isn’t that overly-exposed already? The heat drove me nuts yet again, leaving me in indecision. I finally decided to keep moving, north.

I spent one day in Chiang Mai, and felt it was completely touristy. I decided to take trip through northwest Thailand via motorcycle. It was an odd experience. I mostly stuck to myself as I did in San Francisco the second time. I’d spend a few hours driving my motorcycle during the day, find a place to sleep, write some game ideas, and do some programming. There was an odd assortment of fascinating places: a town full of Yunnanese people who were part of the KMT and fled, mountain towns, dull transport towns, all full of kind and happy people. It was quick, one town per day, but it felt great. Motorcycle is the definitive way to travel, to consume the most, yet be an individual and make one’s owns observations. There was little to no social interaction as I can’t speak Thai.

Laos:
After I made the motorcycle loop, I still had two weeks to do something before I go to India. I decided to go to Laos. It was my “Into the Wild”. I took a 48+ hour bus ride to the mountainous Phitsanoluk. I saw a market where tribal peoples from nearby villages barter wild game. I rented a second hand Chinese motorcycle and found mounds of trash. An odd mix of tribal peoples, recent goods lent from China (motorcycles, farm machinery, cell phones, TVs, power lines, packaged foods), and the beginning of giving technology to an undeveloped country. It contained lowest amount of intelligence I’ve encountered. The boat rides down river held the tone of Apocalypse Now, with tribal kids running around naked, parents picking up packages of cigarettes.

India:
I failed.

I had planned to make games, but I just couldn’t spend the time to do it. The warm weather drove me to go outside. Explore. I’d wander through nearby slums, hang out with my Uncle, experience the hugely contrasting social classes of India. The strict schedule of my relatives restricted my exploration. When they left, I began buying vegetables from the local market and cooking myself.

A friend came with the intention to make a game using India as an inspiration. We ended up doing a game development workshop instead. It’s more social.

I finally decided to go through East Asia to empirically decide which city is best to live in.

East Asia:
[link East Asia?]

Taipei:
When I was in Taipei for three months to study Mandarin, I experienced the Apex of my Schizoid Personality Disorder.

Was it self-estrangement? Self-estrangement can be defined as “the psychological state of denying one’s own interests – of seeking out extrinsically satisfying, rather than intrinsically satisfying, activities…”.[32] It could be characterized as a feeling of having become a stranger to oneself, or to some parts of oneself, or alternatively as a problem of self-knowledge, or authenticity.

A Psychological Self-assessment [todo: incomplete, maybe sidetracked by Wikipedia]
There are psychological problems in my life. Of them are Being a Loner (SPD, SZD), The Effects of Weather (Bipolar), Sleeping Problems (SAD)…[more?]

creativesomething.net/post/54997033332/why-youre-more-creative-at-night-and-how-to-reproduce

Schizoid Personality Disorder:
Not having a normal social life, which also affects schedule.
[think about, create article? see nomadic article]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

The brain includes several distinct dopamine systems, one of which plays a major role in reward-motivated behavior.

Abnormally high dopaminergic transmission has been linked to psychosis and schizophrenia.

Studies with sensory deprivation have shown that the brain is dependent on signals from the outer world to function properly. If the spontaneous activity in the brain is not counterbalanced with information from the senses, loss from reality and psychosis may occur after some hours. A similar phenomenon is paranoia in the elderly, when poor eyesight, hearing and memory make the person abnormally suspicious of the environment.
On the other hand, loss from reality may also occur if the spontaneous cortical activity is increased so that it is no longer counterbalanced with information from the senses. The 5-HT2A receptor seems to be important for this, since psychedelic drugs that activate them produce hallucinations.

the acute effects of dopamine stimulants include euphoria, alertness and over-confidence

the main feature of psychosis is not hallucinations, but the inability to distinguish between internal and external stimuli.

Psychosis has been traditionally linked to the neurotransmitter dopamine. In particular, the dopamine hypothesis of psychosis has been influential and states that psychosis results from an overactivity of dopamine function in the brain, particularly in the mesolimbic pathway. The two major sources of evidence given to support this theory are that dopamine receptor D2 blocking drugs (i.e., antipsychotics) tend to reduce the intensity of psychotic symptoms, and that drugs that boost dopamine activity (such as amphetamines and cocaine) can trigger psychosis in some people (see amphetamine psychosis).[67] However, increasing evidence in recent times has pointed to a possible dysfunction of the excitory neurotransmitter glutamate, in particular, with the activity of the NMDA receptor.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine_hypothesis_of_psychosis

www.rahilpatel.com/blog/the-life-of-a-nomadic-schizoid

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine

Leave a comment | Categories: Life, Personal, Psychology, Schizoid Personality Disorder

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